How to Survive a Breakup When You Are Still in Love
We still love each other but can’t be together
Breaking up is hard, but breaking up when you’re still in love? That feels unbearable. It’s like losing a part of yourself while still craving its presence. When you love someone deeply, even if the relationship was flawed, moving on feels like an uphill battle. But healing is possible, even when your heart is still holding on. You tell yourself to move on, but your heart clings to what was and what could have been. I know because I’ve been there.
The Unfinished Story: When Love Still Lingers
I remember my relationship with “S”. We were close friends in university before we started dating. It was a passionate, fun, and rewarding love story that began with long-distance visits every month. But four months in, he cheated. He admitted it was out of laziness, a drunken mistake. It shattered me.
Despite the betrayal, I moved to his state, and we tried to rebuild. Things were good, but the flashbacks lingered. Then, when I moved to Japan, the distance reopened old wounds. His late nights out, his inability to reassure me—it all added to my pain. My panic attacks became unbearable, and instead of helping me heal, he pulled away.
Fast forward two years, and he broke up with me just before moving to a different city. I had to pack my entire life and move across the country in two days. The heartbreak felt unbearable. I felt discarded, broken, and struggling to believe in love again. I eventually found someone new, but even that came with challenges.
And then, years later, I met “S” again. We had both changed, grown, and learned from our mistakes. He told me he still loved me. And I realized, deep down, I still loved him too. But love wasn’t enough. He had moved on with someone else, and I was still trying to fix things with M. We said our goodbyes, and I was left grieving all over again.
Heartbreak is a loss, and loss deserves mourning. You don’t need to rush through the pain or pretend you’re fine. Cry if you need to. Write down your feelings. Let yourself feel every emotion—sadness, anger, nostalgia, and even love. A breakup doesn’t erase what you felt; it only redefines your connection.
The pain may feel like it will never end, but remind yourself: this is temporary. The heart, like any wound, heals with time and care.
HOW TO HANDLE BREAKUP EVEN WHEN YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE.
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
You have to feel the pain to heal from it. Cry, write in a journal, talk to a friend—do whatever helps you release the emotions. Bottling them up only prolongs the suffering.
2. Distance Yourself (Even When You Don’t Want To)
Seeing your ex, stalking their social media, or hoping they will reach out will only reopen the wound? When “S” emailed me after our final meeting to say we couldn’t be in each other’s lives, I knew it was the right decision, but it didn’t make it any less painful. Cutting contact is hard, but it’s necessary.
Also Read: Am I that easy to replace? Don’t they care about me?
3. Understand That Closure Comes from Within
I spent years feeling angry that “S” had grown emotionally but only after our breakup. It felt unfair that someone else got to experience the better version of him. But closure isn’t about getting answers or a final conversation. Closure is accepting that the past cannot change and choosing to move forward.
4. Stop Romanticizing the Relationship
When you’re in pain, it’s tempting to replay the good moments and forget the bad ones. But no breakup happens without reason. Acknowledge both the love and the challenges. Ask yourself: Would I truly be happy in this relationship long-term, or am I just longing for the past?
4. Focus on Yourself
Use this time to rediscover yourself. What makes you happy outside of this relationship? Travel, start a new hobby, invest in your personal growth. The best revenge against heartbreak is becoming the best version of yourself. Heartbreak is painful, but it’s also an opportunity to rebuild your life on your own terms.
Read More: Dating a Married Man: Breaking up and getting over “Him”
6. Lean on Your Support System
You are not alone. Surround yourself with friends, family, or even a therapist who can help you process your emotions. There is strength in allowing others to support you.
7. Don’t Rush into Another Relationship
It’s tempting to fill the void with someone new, but true healing comes from within. Take your time before jumping into another relationship. Make sure you’re with someone for the right reasons, not just to escape loneliness.
8. Remind Yourself That You Deserve Healthy Love
A love that leaves you anxious, doubting yourself, or feeling like you’re not enough is not the love you deserve. Real love should bring peace, not pain.
Learn More: 10 Powerful Ways to Deepen Love in Your Relationship
9. Let Go of “What If”
One of the hardest things to accept is that some love stories don’t get a second chance. The “what if” thoughts can consume you, but they don’t change reality. You are exactly where you need to be.
10. Believe That Love Will Find You Again
At the end of the day, heartbreak is not the end of love—it’s a redirection. One day, you will find a love that doesn’t hurt, that reassures you, that stays. Until then, love yourself enough to walk away from anything that isn’t meant for you.
Healing from a breakup while still in love is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But you will get through it. Keep moving forward, one day at a time. Your heart will heal, and when it does, you will be stronger than before.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some days, you’ll feel strong; other days, you’ll miss them deeply. Both are normal. Be patient with yourself, and don’t expect the pain to disappear instantly. You deserve happiness, even if it takes time to find it again.
