Letting Go of Someone Who Was Never Yours – 4 Must-Read Strategies

How do i Let Go of Someone I love?

There comes a time when you have to accept reality. No matter how much it hurts, you have to let go of the love you have for them. You met someone, fell for them, and believed there was something real between you two—only to realize you were never truly in the picture.

He already has a girlfriend, a committed relationship, yet he still wants to keep you close, hidden in the shadows. And now, you’re left wondering how to walk away from something that should never have started in the first place.

First things first: You can’t break up with someone you were never truly with. The only person you need to let go of is yourself—your emotions, your attachment, and the version of events that played out in your mind.

Check out: Dating a Married Man: Breaking up and getting over “Him”

The real issue isn’t about them—it’s about you holding onto emotions, obsession, and unnecessary drama. Here’s why you might be stuck in this cycle:

1. You’re projecting feelings onto them.

You see someone and create a whole fantasy in your mind about what they could be to you. You assume they feel the same way, even though there’s no real evidence to support it. The problem? They have no idea what’s happening in your head.

2. You believe your feelings should be enough.

You’re so wrapped up in what you feel that you think, somehow, they’ll catch up and start feeling the same way.

Spoiler: they won’t. Feelings aren’t contagious like that.

3. You don’t actually want to let go.

Even if it’s a toxic fantasy, you hold onto it because it feels safer than facing reality. You convince yourself that even crumbs of attention are better than nothing. But deep down, you know you deserve better than crumbs.

Also Read: 10 Signs Someone Is Only Half-Interested in You

Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?

He led you on.
You didn’t imagine the connection. He gave you just enough attention, just enough hope, to keep you emotionally invested while knowing he had someone else. That’s unfair to you, and frankly, it says more about him than it does about you.

You feel betrayed.
And rightfully so. He knew he had a committed relationship yet allowed things to escalate with you. It’s frustrating, confusing, and painful because you were never given the full truth until you were already in too deep.

You don’t want to let go.
Even when we know something isn’t good for us, we cling to it because it feels familiar, because a part of us hopes the situation will magically change. But deep down, you know that won’t happen. You deserve more than stolen moments and half-truths.

You’re hoping he’ll choose you.
Maybe he said he cares about you. Maybe he made you feel special. But here’s the hard truth: If he truly respected and valued you, he wouldn’t put you in this position. You are not an option, and you shouldn’t allow yourself to be treated as one.

How to Walk Away and Stay Away

Accept that this isn’t love.
Love doesn’t make you feel hidden, confused, or second best. Love is honest, open, and reciprocated. If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t be keeping you a secret.

Cut all ties.
No more calls, no more texts, no more ‘just checking in.’ If he really cared, he wouldn’t have put you in this situation in the first place. The moment you stop engaging, you take back your power.

Don’t wait for closure.
He won’t give you the explanation you deserve because it won’t change anything. The truth is, he made a choice to stay in his committed relationship while still stringing you along. That tells you everything you need to know.

Recognize that his actions were selfish.
He wanted the best of both worlds—commitment from her, attention from you. That’s not love; that’s manipulation. And you deserve so much more than to be someone’s secret.

Forgive yourself, not him.
You didn’t ask to be put in this situation. You trusted him, and he took advantage of that. Don’t carry the guilt—leave that burden with him. Your only mistake was believing in someone who wasn’t worthy of your time.

Moving Forward

It’s tempting to dwell on what could have been, to fantasize about ‘what ifs.’ But the harsh reality is that this was never a real relationship. It was a temporary illusion, a stolen moment in time that was never meant to last.

The moment you stop engaging in his game, you win. You free yourself from the cycle of disappointment, from waiting for something that will never come. And in doing so, you open yourself up to the real, honest, and wholehearted love you actually deserve.

Let go. Choose yourself. And never settle for being someone’s secret again.